glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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