he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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