Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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