The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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