have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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