so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
