Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
