Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
