you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
