Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She bit a glass in half.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Bring me that man meat
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
