I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
