How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
