i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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