erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
