Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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