I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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