My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
sex in a hospital.. check
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
