I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So many bounce houses so little time
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
