My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
