Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
