New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
