Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I need to stop coming to work sober
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Randomize
