I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
