Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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