he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
