i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
