At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
