DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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