I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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