there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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