Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
