you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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