Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You were trust falling into bushes
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
