But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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