I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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