is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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