My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
