Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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