He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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