we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
