Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Michael Bay diarrhea
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The chlamydia really affected his face.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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