i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
