I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
