I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
