we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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