Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
