ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
