He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
