it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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