Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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