Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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