What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
