why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
