So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
