Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Non-Jews are for practice
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
