I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
